“FEELING” THE YEAR SAY GOODBYE

For me all these years, the last week of December used to be just another set of days, but a little bit spiced up by the Christmas airs and the cakes and the carols… And New Year’s Eve and New Year, were just yet another couple of days, by the end of which one took resolutions that were almost impossible to keep and yea.. you remind yourself to henceforth add a year to the date and yes.. you make sure you haven’t missed out on wishing a “Happy New Year” to all of your friends.. And Oh heavens!! Yes!! Those special new year shows on television.. too many of them man!! Which do I choose??
Among such innumerable immaterial things that used to once occupy my waking hours, the only moment that really reached down to my heart was that nanosecond, when the world stepped out from the last night of a year and stepped into that first dawn of a new year.. 12 Midnight….
At that moment involuntarily I close my eyes and let the visions of the past year fly through my mind- those kept and unkept promises, those fulfilled and unfulfilled wishes; and the next thing I know, I am already making new promises and hopes for the coming year. But as I open my eyes, the magic of the moment vanishes and I am once again in my materialistic world.

This was the extent of the emotional implications of a New Year in my life.. that is.. until this year… This time…. As I stand at the doorstep of this year, getting ready to bid adieu to it, I m really “feeling” it from the depth of my heart. The mental reflections that had been hitherto constrained to only a nanosecond, has, this time, become a week long phenomenon. Each passing moment-awake or asleep- I find myself assessing how this year has influenced my life, what lessons it has taught me, what I have really earned this year, etc. etc… And I realize that only a blog would truly release and relieve my from this dreadful thirst to conduct a self post-mortem.

The most important truth that I realized this year was the fact that life never, ever leaves you alone and desolate. At any given moment, even when you felt most lonely and so utterly lost, there would inevitably be a somebody with you… be it a friend or a family member… a someone whose presence and role you would quite often not acknowledge or realize at the time.. a someone whose presence in your life wouldn’t have otherwise ever been dreamt of.. And that someone remains as an invisible source of strength and support, taking your hand and leading the way out of your worries and troubles. It is only later, as life proceeds, that you truly realize the role and part played by that somebody during those hard times of your life and you thank everything that brought that person into your life…

As I was reflecting on this fact, I tumbled upon yet another realization- that the wheels of life have been moving slowly and invisibly quite quite long before you realized it, moving steadily towards working things out in that perfect synchronization to help us out of our hard times; A lot of things that went unnoticed at the time, slowly summed up at the end to work beautiful wonders in your life- like introducing wonderful new people at the right juncture of your life, right when we needed them; striking beautiful relationships; slowly building that basement of trust, faith, love and confidence; and slowly you reach a point where you cannot even imagine what life used to be before their arrival. The mere human that I am, I called those incidences “coincidences” at the time. But now as I sit back and think about them, I realize how foolish I were to not realize and acknowledge that they were all a part of that predestined script of our life, playwright by the Greatest Playwright. Oh! And how beautifully these “coincidences” fit perfectly among themselves!!! It is beyond anybody’s comprehension.

Now speaking of the greatest sense of satisfaction that life this year has gifted me.. it was the sense of having rightfully earned those beautiful and wonderful new friendships I just spoke of. Having studied in the same school all my school life, hitherto, most of my early friendships were quite inevitably results of the familiarity that were sometimes born simply because he/she used to be “sitting next to me, in the same class, in the same bench”. Hence you literally grew up with them, knowing them, capable of calculating their actions and reactions.
But once I stepped into college life, initially things were quite bumpy- you sometimes couldn’t adjust with that extra liberty and most often you couldn’t adjust with that new crowd of people that came from different places… Those were times when you felt so hollow from the inside though you seemed perfectly happy from the outside. But slowly I realized that from here, this would be the real scenario of the truth called life. And then there were those multitude efforts to cope up with things. And in the long run, be it through social networking sites or in the form of “combined studies” or meeting friends of friends- it was all an effort to present and prove yourself to each other and by the end of it, really “earn” each other’s respect, trust and friendship. And what was judged was your True Self- not your family or social backgrounds or liabilities; you were judged, respected, accepted and appreciated for the person, for the character, for the personality that you truly are- the shortcomings included. And I realized that such acceptance was the best that one could ever wish for because such friendships were built up sincerely, brick by brick, right from the foundation, sweating yourself out, making yourself worthy of it and naturally the fruit of labor was sweet- because the resulting friendships were deep and affectionate, sisterly and brotherly- and they were all there for you when you wanted to laugh, when you wanted to cry, when you wanted to open out your heart, when you wanted to play your silly pranks and recite your silly jokes… Oh yes!! They were there!!!!

And now as I stand, mentally prepared to bid adieu to the passing year and usher in the new year, I acknowledge and accept all these realities of life and all the realities of the ME that I am. I realize that things still have a long way to go from here and that hardships and bad times would invariably find my way again, that with each passing year responsibilities increase and expectations of those around you keep mounding up…………… But somehow I feel mentally armed to face these sweet and harsh realities of life…….

Now I proudly present this blog as my small token of thanks and love to all… all those really touched my life this year, enriching it…. It is a debt that I would never be able to repay and I dare not coz.. that’s the Beauty of Friendship……

MEMORIES RULE OUR LIFE

Each passing moment of our life instantly ceases to be the present and enters that chamber in our heart known as ‘Memories’ and these Memories whether good or bad, happy or sad, then reign our life. It opens itself when called for and quite often walks in as an uninvited guest. Our childhood days, childhood home, school days etc are some of those memories that invade our thoughts most often than any other.

As you move into adulthood, as you are pushed out into the world of Reality, pushed out to face the real world all alone, as you are suddenly crowned with all the responsibilities and duties which once you thought belonged to only your parents and teachers and other grown-ups, you suddenly feel so insecure and so lost that you find solace only while taking that long walk down the memory lane… And for a moment you wish that you were once again that same old innocent child who could run into the strong waiting arms of your dad who had the ‘tonic’ to all your worries and problems, and lie there safe in his warm embrace and break down while he patted you and comforted you and let all your fears and doubts disappear in a whiff and instill into you a new sense of confidence and hope and thus re-assured you walk back into your life, bolder and braver and with the pleasant thought that come what may, your loved ones would always be there ready with the answers to all your insecurities….

But then suddenly Reality slaps back at your face and tells you that as years move on, your worries are too much your own, demanding your personal attention and that they can no longer be taken to your loved ones. This very chilling thought that unfaithful ‘Time’ is turning its wheels mercilessly, cues you to once again escape into your ever faithful ‘Memories’. Those days at school…the beautiful castle where you were delicately brought up all your school life…the place where you learnt the meaning of friendship and trust…where you once thought that exams and silly fights and youth festival results were all that mattered in life… As these painfully sweet memories fly past, you curse yourself for having once taken it all for-granted, for not having truly realized the worth of each of those passing moments at the time. And one by one, the faces of all those people who walked in and out of your school life - some who left a lasting impression and some who left a lasting vacuum; some who meant everything then and some who meant nothing then- ALL- swim before your eyes like a motion picture and you desperately call upon God to give you that one more last chance to thank them all for the part they played in molding the ‘You’ that the world sees today.

And then suddenly you are transported to Reality yet again and it slams at you the naked truth that you might never ever meet some of them again in your life and the thought makes you cry out and ask yourself why life has changed so much and u ask “Isn’t it unfair of Life to be so unfair?”…. And in desperation you attempt to make a comparative study of your own life-Before and Now… And lo! You realize that life now isn’t any bad either. You suddenly find yourself admitting that in some ways life might have actually got more happy and happening now.. New friends, new life, new experiences, new experiments….. each passing moment has its own story to relate as it walks into the Chamber of Memories.. And suddenly a new fear grips your heart and for a moment u think of that inevitable day when you would miss the things that you have today and you chide yourself for forgetting to relish the beauty of the present while yearning and whining so much about your past. And you close your eyes and silently, deep down in your heart you vow to enjoy each passing moment and not let the history of “taking it all for-granted” repeat itself once again….

The only truth that can slow your frantic oscillations between Memories and Reality is the realization that, in life, the only constant element is Change. Things and people who were once the nucleus of your existence have now stepped down their positions in the priority list of your life. New things and new people have taken their place and life changes thus! And as novelty walks in and out of your life, they bring with them new experiences and thoughts which mould you for tomorrow. But nevertheless you cannot help but miss your old buddies and your old care-free life at those lonely moments. As they say, you never realize the value of what you have, until it leaves you. And at those junctures of life, the only faithful one who would stand by you would be your Chamber of Memories….. Keeping alight the Flame of Hope in your life…..